Death of a Pet

Death Of A Pet:  Coping Starts with Understanding

 

“The bark and wag of a tail, or the purring sound from deep within; the look of trust you receive each day.  What more need be said?”

-Anonymous

 

 

GENERAL RULE:   Throw out the rule book.  The death of a pet, for whatever reason, can be, and often is, every bit as difficult to deal with as the death of a dear friend or relative.  Grieving is normal and is to be expected.  In time, however,  the tears of loss will be replaced with the smiles of great memories.  Such is the way of our lives.  If you have lost a pet recently, Portage APL extends sympathy from us all at your loss.

 

 

IDENTIFYING ISSUES AND POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

 

  • The Process of Grieving
  • How Others React
  • Placing Blame
  • The Reaction of Other Pets
  • Pets and Seniors
  • Children and Pet Death

 RECOMMENDATIONS:

 The process of grieving takes time – Although some people think grieving for a pet is inappropriate behavior (“It’s only a dog or cat”), they are wrong.  The emotional impact and the process of healing (denial, anger, guilt, sadness and then reconciliation) is pretty much the same in all cases.  Some people may even experience protracted depression and need professional help.  You won’t begin to cope with the loss until you let your emotions out.  Try writing about your feelings, check the web or your humane society to see if there are support groups available, or consider memorializing your pet through a gift to help others.

 

 How others react is often misunderstood – You may think that your friends are insensitive, but most people genuinely care and want to help.  Accept that they care for you and reach out to them.  Talk to them.  That’s what friends are for.

 

  • Placing blame is a natural reaction, but usually not the right one to focus on – Sometimes we forget that the Vet and staff were there to help.  Sometimes we blame ourselves for perceived negligence.  We often forget what really brought our pet down and instead want to blame ourselves or others for the level or the type of care our pet received.  Think about the love and support you have given your pet before the accident or illness and place the care they received in perspective.

 

  • For how other pets react, look in a mirror - Surviving pets will often sense a loss. They also pick up on human emotions and may become depressed and refuse to eat or drink.  Treat them as you would wish to be treated (with loving care) and help them along as you yourself heal.

 

  • Pets and Seniors – Dealing with the death of a pet can be hard for seniors, particularly if they live alone.  The pet’s death may trigger memories other losses and may even bring their own mortality to mind.  Getting another pet may help, but trying to “force” a new relationship is not a good idea.  Many seniors know when it is time to pass pet ownership and responsibility to the next generation.  Respect their wishes, but check from time to time. Perhaps a visit to your local animal shelter after a respectful period will be the stimulus that is needed. 

 

  • Children and Pet Death – The loss of a pet may be a child’s first experience with death.  They will not easily understand what has happened and some explanation is in order.  Be truthful. Don’t tell the child that the pet has run away or got lost.  Chances are the child will be picking up your emotional signals anyway, so why not use them to help explain that death is normal for all living things and that feeling sad is normal and okay.  Click on the following link for a list of children’s picture books that deal with this issue:

 

http://childrensbooks.about.com/od/themesubjectbooksby/tp/petdeath.htm

   

SUMMARY:

 

Dealing with the loss of a pet can be devastating.  But, over time, your heart can began to heal.  Talk with your friends and family.  If you become depressed, seek medical help. You may wish to write down your thoughts or even prepare a memorial for your pet. There is a vast array of resources on the Internet that can be helpful.

 

Your experiences can help others who may be hurt from a similar loss.  Remember not to diminish the death of a pet.  Express true sympathy or none at all.  Don’t forget that your words can hurt as well as they can help heal.  The idea of running out and finding a “replacement” pet should not to be an immediate suggestion. Finally, if you have children and bring a pet into the family, you need to prepare for the eventuality of having to explain the death of that pet. 

 

Revised 2.28.08

JEP